I am living in an altered reality; it is very strange. Sometimes I am so bored I could chew my own arm off and sometimes I am so overburdened with the pressure of it all that I can hardly breathe. I miss work, but then when I hear the
rain on the roof in the morning, I feel so lucky that I don’t have to take the half-hour dowsing as I walk to work. Each day is a new day and you never know what will happen.
Yesterday was the oncologist, good and bad. She is always professional
and pragmatic and does the best she can to try to find out what is happening, never forgetting to ask me how I am coping. As Brian says very little, of course, I am the best source of information but I do try very hard not to fill every gap and to let
Brian present his side of what is happening. Often we wait, and wait, and wait before he finally manages to say how he has been or what bothers him. His worries are much more basic than mine, sleeping, eating, alimentary canal action and more pills.
is something wrong with his leg, and so the system kicks in immediately. Where do these stories about waiting for months for treatment actually come from? He was under the x-ray within half an hour. So far the results are not conclusive, an unfolding story
And another six weeks of chemo – we are (well I am) so grateful. This chemo is prolonging his life I am sure and it is the ability of the oncologist to think outside the square that is bringing this gift to us.
So, onward, another
day. Today we had the hard conversation with the hospice nurse. Brian still has the misguided and vague idea he will drive again and take a tour of the South Island in his beloved 1972 Fiat. How could I tell him that will not be happening? The hospice nurse
did. It is a big blow for him, even though somewhere in his head, he must have known that it can’t happen. It is just that to face it is a step too far for him. A crushing blow and brave of her to tell him bluntly that he will never drive again. He has
been extra quiet tonight.
And then out of the blue, Reuben came home and said that a certain well-known hotelier for whom he has been doing a lot of work suggested that we might all like to come and have a meal in his restaurant. Kindness, unbidden
but oh so welcome. How is it that some people can just step out, and extend a hand like that? Many beautiful things have happened to us, the fabulous orange handbag arriving from Singapore, the fridge mysteriously filled, caramel square waiting in a box on
the stairs, and the morning texts to see how we faring, the box of Speights pies flown down from Auckland and much much more. We feel lucky, we feel supported and I feel that I am up close and personal with what life is really about.
And as for
random (in case you missed it on Facebook), here are some pictures of Laura with her new Barbie car that finally arrived, just 20 years too late. When she was about six, I bribed her to give up sucking her thumb by telling her I would buy her a Barbie car.
She duly gave up the thumb but the car never did arrive – somehow we just never got round to it. Finally made good on my promise!!