Dear readers, friends, family, random visitors and all the rest of you in between-
Here we are, the beginning of 2015. I have decided to stop my blog and this will be my last post!!
I know that for some of you who have become addicted to my blog, this will be a disappointment but somehow the time seems right. I only ever intended to write about what it felt like to be me, on the uncharted and unpredictable ride with Brian. Now that there is just me, it doesn’t feel right to persist. Also, I am finding it difficult to get the tone right. I know you don’t want to read endlessly of my sorrow and the depressing details of this weird and strange life that I have been thrust into, but conversely the steps that I might take to make a life for myself, will exclude Brian in some ways and I know many of you read my blog to connect with him. Continuing it without him, doesn’t seem right somehow.
So, no more blog but what fun it has been. I have received such positive and supportive feedback and as of today, 41,390 visits. I never ever expected that, in fact I remember when it hit 500 thinking - OMG, there are 500 people reading this – who could they be? It has always been very easy for me to write, just straight from my head to the page and after a while, I learnt not to think of the unknown reader, and just write as though I was talking to you, my friends, which of course you all are now. You know, the novel I wrote a few years ago was very successful and sold out, but never reached a fraction of that many people. Blogging is way easier too.
So where are we as I leave you? We were dreading Christmas – it seemed as though there was no way we could make it make sense. Our plans to lie on the couch with the door locked and eat toast got thoroughly scuppered by the announcement of the imminent arrival of the beautiful girl that Reuben met on the cruise – coming for Xmas – holy hell !!! That had the three of us, off the couch immediately and moving fast, especially Reuben. He managed to completely renovate his bathroom, buy a new car, do a complete wardrobe makeover and finish the year in the black before shutting the workshop for three weeks.
So by Xmas, we were having to kind of shape up, with at least some modicum of Christmassy action going on. Managed the random and very eclectic Xmas tree - pink LED lights, pretty cool (we think we will keep it in our window all year), managed a pavlova, and the odd bit of tinsel but that was about all. However, it was enough and we ended up having a lovely Xmas and in the days that followed, Reuben painted the town red, the dark beauty on his arm, stopping traffic in dreary old Wellington.
And the holidays came and went. Somehow we all survived. Now we are looking down the barrel of a new year, a new life and some hard decisions. What to do, where to live, who to be, how to be it. All hard, all lonely and scary and at times, seemingly insurmountable. We do have a lot to be grateful for, we were always a very tight little family and now we are tighter (and littler). I am confident that we will step out with care and with our backs well covered by each other.
To you, my readers, I can only say thank you yet again. You have supported me online and personally so well and so generously and in sharing our journey with us, we have all changed together. Life without Brian will never be the same but I hope that in time, we will find a way to make it make sense and find peace.
I wish you all a great year in 2015 and good health, great friends, lots of love and heaps of laughs. After all, what else is there?